Happy Sunday folks!
Outside my window its cold and dark and a gale is blowing ... the wind has already worked its magic on our garden fence, so I thought I'd ignore the mess outside, make myself a brew and share some words with you all - in continuing to work on my New Years Resolution to blog more, here goes! As always, you don't have to hang around and read me if you don't want to, but for those of you who do, you're the best and I thank you!
Well ... I don't know about you guys, but this last week has been a tough one! Not helped by the fact that I've not been too well - another horrible ear infection which saw me spending most of the night last Monday at the hospital.. It's OK, don't worry, I don't want you guys to feel sorry for me, I just want to give you a bit of context so you can try and get your head around what's coming next ....
When we're not well its horrible - stating the obvious, I know - but for me its like things feel broken and out of place, doubts and insecurities creep into the cracks that feeling unwell and a bit vulnerable have created and the one thing I am most passionate about, the one thing that consumes my thoughts a million times a day, this becomes the one thing I start to question the most - my photography!
This is going to get real now folks, so bear with me ok ....
In my darkest moments - normally at around 3am for the past few nights - I have started to really question myself; are my aspirations of making my photography a full time living nothing more than just a pipe-dream? Is this a dream too far or just far enough out of reach? Should I just settle for the life I have - and I know, I am luckier than many and not ungrateful for one second - or should I continue to strive for something that I have loved for more than half of my life?
Questions and doubts and fears and more questions and doubts! Who do you think you can talk to at 3am and get a sensible answer from - well, not yourself that's for sure!!!
But then today something amazing happened ...
Another photographer, not too many miles from me, posted on her social media platforms a really interesting post about when she first started her photography business and the validations she felt she had to make to people to justify her worth before she became the awesome full time photographer - and one of my TOG heroes - she is today. Her words were a revelation to me and it was like someone had just wiped the clouds away from before my eyes and presented me with a golden moment of sunshine and clarity. She said "don’t let anyone make you feel that your dream is not worthwhile because you can’t spend all day, everyday doing it. Who knows ... one day you might get to live your dream on a full time basis and trust me, it’s worth every moment of self doubt and sleepless night"!!!
Well ... you could have blown me over with a feather when I read this; I got straight onto messenger and sent this amazing lady a message to say thank you for positing this. I told her it was as if she knew I needed to hear this - now, today - before my self imposed doubts and fears got the better of me - and I know that my words wont have relayed the sense of relief I felt pounding through my veins at reading her words but just knowing that someone else has walked this path that I am on, in a similar pair of squeaky shoes, and worried and doubted and questioned all the same things I have been, and they have made their dream a reality - well right now, I am feeling like someone just sprinkled magic fairy dust in my tea!
So to conclude this blog, and after the feelings of the last week and today's amazing revelations, I now know two things to be true;
everyone has doubts and fears and questions the path that they are on and I can deal with this better now knowing I am not the only one; we are only human right, and,
I just need to believe a little bit more and keep the faith that put me on this road in the first place at the forefront of all I do!
I guess both these things can be applied to anyone, in any walk of life, on whatever journey you may be on, but for me its the photography journey that calls me and keeps striving for better images, meeting more people, learning and developing the craft, photographing instances of time that will be gone in a second and making our - yours and mine - own memories!
Thanks for sticking with me, not only for this blog, but for the journey too! x
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